2013

What to Expect when Dating a Korean Guy

What to Expect when Dating a Korean Guy

It seems like Korean guys are in demand because many of my single girlfriends have been telling me how much they’d like to learn Korean just to date Korean boys. Well well. Quite understandable considering how men are portrayed in all these Korean MVs, dramas, and movies. But really, that’s like saying I want to date a Lawyer after watching Suite.

Unfortunately, boys are boys – even in Korea. They sometimes go MIA, put friends over you, breaks your heart, forget your birthday etc. But I must say that there is some merit to Korean boys’ courting style that is hard to match. So here, I list out some of the common occurrences of dating a Korean guy based on my personal experience and of the experiences of my lovely Korean girlfriends.

Note that there are many Korean guys out there, and there are many exceptions. This is just my personal experience, please read it with a light heart.

Am I qualified to talk about this?

Dating experience: 2 Korean guys: one from Seoul for 2 years and another from Kangwon province living in Seoul for almost 4 years. They both have never lived in another country before.

Consulting experience: Over 2000 hours of 1:1 consultation via phone, text, skype, face-to-face about Korean boy-problems. Hope now I have some creds to tell you what it’s like to date a Korean guy.

So what is it like to have a Korean boyfriend?

On keeping in touch:

In comparison to guys I’ve dated from other culture, Korean guys are great at keeping in touch, constantly. This made it hard for me to adapt to ABC guys that were texting 2,3 messages per day or every two three days because Korean guys will text you every day. Many also call you every day. It’s not that they’re more/less into you; I think it’s a norm. You get freaking spoiled (sometimes annoyed) by how much they will contact you, but this means anxiety triples when they become MIA.

Dressing up:

Do dress up on your dates because these Korean boys will dress up/suit up every time they take you out. It’s not uncommon for a guy to show up wearing a shirt, khaki, a blazer, matching shoes, and perfectly done hair – to a date at an amusement park. They often dress like they’ve popped out of print ads in magazines.

Some extremely self-aware guys would put on bb-cream, color contact lens (this one is more rare), and fake heels inside the shoes. But don’t be too impressed because it’s probably 50% for other people to see, 30% for themselves, and 20% for you. Regardless, it’s good to see guys putting as much effort into looking nice and “dolling” up, but they would expect you to do the same.

Paying:

I hear in Canada, guys stop paying after 2,3 dates, or even on second dates it’s common to go dutch. This isn’t the norm in Korea. Although there seems to be a shift in this dynamic very recently, it’s still very normal for guys to be the one getting tab all the time. Once you get serious, then the paying becomes a bit more even, maybe girls pay 3:7/4:6. Most of the time, they don’t want you to pay.

You can easily get used to this … But there are consequences that follow. For instance, while it’s extremely subtle, they may exert more authority or expect you to show more “child-like” behaviors. It can be patronizing at times.

Being the “Oppa”:

In Korea, age determines how you refer to one another (unlike in Canada where everyone calls each other names). When a guy is older than a girl, the girl refers to this guy as “Oppa.” But it really doesn’t matter how old you are, because if a guy is interested in you, he’ll try to act like an Oppa anyways. I’m sure most of you have heard of this phrase through Psy’s Gangnam Style.

This phrase carries an odd mix of varying sentiments that ranges from being responsible, protective, to having more power, status, and right. One thing that Korean guys seem to enjoy doing is refer to themselves as “Oppa.” For instance, instead of saying “I’ll buy you dinner/I’ll do that for you,” they will say “Oppa will buy you dinner/ Oppa will do that for you.” Seriously, when a guy that I’m not too interested does this, every bit of hair on my body stands up. Good thing that comes with this phenomenon is that Korean guys in general are very responsible and almost trained to take care of girls in all ways possible.

Examples:

– When walking on the sidewalk, they always make sure they are on the outer lane closer to the cars

– They will take off their coat for you in cold weather

– They arrive ten minutes early to dates and don’t mind waiting few minutes (I think some expect girls to be late).

– Anything heavy or difficult to do, they feel responsible to solve/do it for the girl.

– If you call them for help in the middle of the night (even at 2,3 in the morning), most of them will help you

Special Celebrations & Couple “things”: – So one of the oddest/coolest part of Korean dating culture is that couples celebrate gazillion and one things. Let me list a few that I have celebrated:

  • 22 day, 1 month, 100th day, 200th day, 300th, 1 year, 2 year, 3 year, Valentine’s day, white day, Christmas, Children’s day, Korean couple’s day (where the couple meets on a bridge made by a flock of birds), Pepero day, Rose day, Kiss day, Thanksgiving, New Years, and of course birthdays

– On these occasions, I’ve learned that girls should expect the guy to prepare some sort of “surprise” – it’s not very surprising once you realize that it’s always going to be a bouquet of roses, a teddy bear, cake, and candles. But still, it’s very sweet that guys will go such lengths to do things for the girls they like.

So much work for guys? But sometimes it’s the guys that are more into stuff like this. I once forgot one of these many celebrations previously-unknown-to-me, and all I can say is that that day didn’t end well. As much as guys go crazy with these celebrations, girls also put equal effort in preparing – often some hand-made stuff for their special other.  

Another thing that Korean boyfriends commonly suggest are couple items like couple rings (makes it hard to tell who is married or just dating), couple shoes, couple cellphone cases, couple smartphones, couple data plan (where you have unlimited data between you two), couple diary, couple (fill in your own blank). I know many of my non-Korean friends find this freaky, but I must say small things like same keychains are kind of cute. You get used to it. In general, Korean guys are more “hardworking” when it comes to relationships. But that doesn’t mean its all roses and butterflies; there are also things that are particularly stressful when dating Korean guys.

Image

Couple t-shirts

No privacy:

I guess all this chivalry comes with consequences. Not all, but surely many Korean boyfriends will ask to check your phone, kakaotalk or what-nots. They expect to know your entire schedule in and out and also expects you to update him on your life constantly. This can be a bit frustrating, but girls often expect the same from guys so it’s a mutual thing I suppose.

It’s always really hard to have a girl’s night out if one of the girl is in a relationship. Getting permission almost never worked because they’d be calling constantly and checking up on her. Some are really extreme: for instance, once four of my girl friends were out, and my girlfriend’s bf asked her to take a photo of her outfit to make sure it’s not too scandalous. Seriously?!… SERIOUSLY?

Jealousy:

The tolerance of acceptable interaction with the opposite gender is vastly lower for couples in Korea. Some things that I witnessed Korean couples often fight about: – Texting an opposite gender -Calling an opposite gender – Talking to an opposite gender – Looking at an opposite gender -Thinking about an opposite gender So basically anything that has to do with the opposite gender is a no. Okay, I may be exaggerating a tiny bit, but Korean couples tend to be extremely bonded and with such bond comes such craziness. I guess people are crazy when they’re in love.

Sour Endings:

I think breakups rarely end in good terms among Korean couples. I see tons of Canadian friends being friends with their ex but I rarely see Korean couples continuing to be friends after a break-up. It’s partly because many of my Korean friends think there is no such thing as friendship between a girl and a guy.

Meeting his friends:

Meeting friends of a Korean boyfriend is one of the most stressful parts of the ordeal, imo. So in my experience, they put you on a pedestal and subtlety judge you. Once you break into the group, they will love and protect you forever, but it’s really hard to break into the bubble. The key to this meet is to dress like a news broadcaster (think pastel colored conservative outfit that is flattering but classsy), wear minimal make-up, and be super, super nice. Pretend you’re there to serve them.  It doesn’t matter if that’s not the real you, because the real you is not what they want to see. Be comfortable, but also be tense (if that’s even possible). When you’re meeting his friends, you are a virgin that never smoked, drank, or stayed out pass 9 p.m… So dating a Korean guy can be amazing one moment and awfully confusing another.

But like with any culture, being in a relationship requires work from both partners. Also, most problems can be overcome with appropriate communication. It’s just important to learn the “norms” of the dating eco-system your love subject is part of to avoid misunderstandings. I remember an ABC girl rejected a Korean boy because he held the umbrella for her on a rainy day and she found that patronizing.

I hope you enjoyed the article.  Follow me on twitter @tinasyhsu

Also, check out GIFs compilation of Top Kdramas from 2015, based on CPI.

Categories: 2013

188 replies »

  1. This is really interesting for me to read because I’ve been in a relationship with Korean guy for almost 3 years now.

    And honestly, he’s nothing like that ^^

    He texts me less than any other boyfriend I’ve ever had. He’s not the jealous type – all of my friends are male and he doesn’t care. He also doesn’t keep tabs on me, I feel very free with no expectations placed on me how I should dress or act.

    We have never celebrated any special days, nor anniversaries.

    And dressing up… he’s always in the same pair of jeans. A few times he even went outside of the building in pajamas even though we live in a middle of a town and anyone could see him.

    But whether he is a typical Korean guy or one in a billion, he’s a really great boyfriend :)

    • if so , he must have other or so many GF’s , i am living in korea almost 7 yrs and i have some korean Gf’s and korean male friend if ur bf those kind of acts , believe me he is not interested on u ,means he is dating already other women

      • Hi Javar, I can see why you would react in such a way (having lived in a predominantly -or seemingly – homogenous society and observed some of its citizens’ behaviour), but it would be a gross generalization to say that, if one person doesn’t fit the “mould” then something MuST be wrong. In my humble opinion, we ought to applaud slightly deviant behaviour in such a homogenized society. It will serve to help the society evolve. :) Also, I would refer you to Oegukeen’s website/blog (http://lovingkorean.com) for more information about this wonderful couple; and maybe then you will change your mind and/or have something more constructive to share :) Best wishes all,
        Hana

    • I am dating a Korean man and today is our 100 days anniversary. I have to say he is the sweetest, most attentive, sensitive and caring man I have ever dated. So in my case, he IS exactly like the above description. To each their own!

      He loves his mother, make sure to cover me in his jacket with the weather is cold, tries his best to stand on the road-side of the street, and all that sweet jazz! He even bought me socks and sweaters when I said I needed them and placed INDIVIDUAL HAND WRITTEN NOTES in each pair of sock for me to find. I think it all comes down to personality though, but in my case this is pretty spot-on information.

      I live in Canada so the weather is cold, but he said if we were dating in Korea he would definitely dress up more on dates. No colour lenses, though!!!

    • Omg, it’s the exact same with me and my Korean bf of 1.5 years. Sometimes I get frustrated with his lacking of verbal expressiveness (I’m very verbally meotionally expressive), but he’s still a really good man and he shows me that he cares in other ways.

    • My hubby is the same way. Really chill. (: I suppose its just like most places in the world: everyone is different. (;

    • Thanks. I really appreciate your post! Can you go into what to expect from a Korean guy once you are in a relationship? What are the expectations there, in the interaction, in paying (does this change after you are official?), and in intimacy.

      • Thanks for reading. Hm.. I’ll try writing up something about that. More intimate/personal interactions vary depending on individuals you date so it’ll be harder to come up with a template, but let me think about it.

  2. This is pretty interesting. I want to date a Korean bit seems like they don’t like foreign girls? Do they only date Koreans?

    • No. Many Korean guys like foreign girls, but they’re very often too shy to approach us. In the three years I’ve been here, I’ve only ever had one guy approach me on a street and ask me on a date at the same time. Funnily enough, once you start dating someone, a lot of guys tend to start hitting on you or telling you how they’ve been wanting to date you for ages. My boyfriend still teases me about how direct I was when I asked him when he was going to kiss me already after five dates. He said he was shocked by how forward I was at the time but that he was really glad that I was because it gave him confidence to take things further.

    • I didn’t talk to a lot of korean guys, but even though I was chubby back then, 2 out of 5 seemed interested and they weren’t even old or ugly. (I’m pale, brown eyes, brown hair btw.- average!). One followed me around the market and he was trying to flirt but I was adoring some handmade pottery…I didn’t even realize I rejected him/ignored him until a little after, when I was on my way home..
      -I can also agree with the jealousy part: another time there was this guy, younger and so cute. He was trying to explain to me something in english and we had a great talk, we laughed until my friend pulled me over & told me “stop flirting with that guy, that girl looks like she’s about to kill you” and we didn’t even do such thing…

  3. It’s funny reading this because I think it’s normal and here comes the boom: I’m a Canadian guy and I’ve always been like that, also all my guy friends are like that too .(except for the 200th birthday and white day, peppero day cause we don’t have that here) I think it’s just etiquette and respect something that many people lack and the excitement and the love of life. It’s true that in Korea you see that more often and I respect that and I’m happy to see Canadian girls relating to such values and I encourage that. And just like oegukeen’s post there are always exceptions…

  4. HAHAHAHA oh my gosh, your post made me giggle/laugh so much (and gave me a nice break from writing my darn thesis… Le Sigh). In any case, this is quite a good summary, and I must say that my fiance falls into almost every category, with a few exceptions and variances. All in all it’s pretty accurate.

    Next step: Meeting his best friends. We are moving to Korea this winter and I am already stressing about meeting his parents/family… now I have to stress about the friends as well? Haha, at least I’ll go with a smile on my face, while remembering your post and thinking “When you’re meeting his friends, you are a virgin that never smoked, drank, or stayed out pass 9 p.m…”

    Best wishes,
    Hana

    http://www.facebook.com/KimchiSarmaDelight
    hanakokanovic.wordpress.com

      • Hi Tina! :) Thank you for the word of encouragement. Only 7 weeks to go and I will be fully immersed in Korean culture. *Crossing fingers I do well by everyone!* Your article really DID put a smile on my face.

        I was actually pondering contacting you in the hopes of getting more information about the possibility of joining your blogger team on the Korea-Canada 5oth Anniversary webpage to share an artsy and humorous glimpse into the world of interracial/intercultural dating between a Canadian (of Croatian origin) and a Korean national. If there is any contact info you could share, that would be much appreciated. :):)

        Many thanks again. Best wishes for the holidays!!!!
        Hana

  5. Sounds like I will like being with a Korean guy haha. I’m already all sweet and innocent anyways. I don’t even have to pretend.

  6. “When you are meeting his friends, you are a virgin that never smoked, drank, or stayed out pass 9 p.m…”

    I already am in reality. So awesome. ^.^ Most Americans don’t appreciate this quality enough.

  7. No doubt it is good information but research understood that people want to take useful information which is presented very well. i also tried to share very useful information about dating.

  8. I am currently in a relationship with a Korean man. We’ve been dating for almost 2 years now. At the beginning, he was really nice and almost always in my bubble, but now not so much because we both are really busy with our work. But yes, a lot of things you’ve mention…I do notice. He does dress up like a pretty boy every time we (or him alone) go out. He also doesn’t like me to have something to do with the opposite sex. And yes, the meeting friends…first time was a bit rough. I don’t know how to speak Korean, so they spoke a lot Korean and had tons of inside joke. I sat at the end and was quite majority of the time, but after a few meetings they finally accepted me.

  9. It’s really weird reading a demonstration of korean boys from a ‘ABC girl’..(I’m korean). kinda sounds like some sort of alpha wolf..

  10. Hi . I luv the post you have done:) it’s a good info. I really luv korean cultures and they are amazing:) I wish to have a korean bf? :( But will a korean guy date foreign girls? :(

    • Thank you nameless27! Seems like that’s a question I get asked often. I feel like it really depends on the guy. If he was born and raised in Korea, probably less likely, but if he studied abroad or 2nd generation, more likely to date foreigners. But again, this really depends on the individual. If you have someone in mind, you should ask him out on a date!

      • Thanks for the advise but I don’t live in Korea and I would I love to date a korean guy. I find their language and culture it’s like pretty nice :) but in my country but I don’t really talk to them. Err

  11. Wow, this was quite an interesting read! It’s rather fascinating for me to read about relationship dynamics in South Korea because while my boyfriend and I are both Korean, we’ve grown up in the States so the culture differences seemingly tend to make our relationship not as “Korean” as we thought it to be, haha. But I must say, this is pretty much spot-on and overall a wonderful job!

    • Thanks Hadley – Great to hear you enjoyed the read! Why do you guys think your relationship is still a bit “korean”? Do you think it has to do with your family or the media?

      • Hello Tina! I think it has to do with how we think we’re both actively involved in the Asian community over here as well as how our parents are both first generation Koreans so they hold close to traditions. Yet, your piece made me realize that there are a lot of aspects of our relationship that are rather different! My boyfriend gets the tab every single time even when I insist on paying—at the same time, I hang out with his friends all the time and it’s never a problem. He absolutely hates being called oppa too, which I would rather he didn’t haha.

  12. So, i have a korean boyfriend and your are SOOOO right. he gets jealous when i talk to opposite genders and told me i cant be friends with guys because opposite geners cant be “just friends” ….
    this rly helped, thx!

  13. I was curious to know, what would a foreign girl call an older korean guy? Like would they want you to call them ‘oppa’ even if your not korean?

  14. I’ve been together with my boyfriend (Korean) for about three years! We met when I was on exchange in Seoul. We are both working now.

    He might be a non-typical Korean boyfriend. He’s not jealous if I hang out with guys, I don’t call him oppa, he doesnt overdress (always casual, or smart casual), we usually do Dutch but sometimes he will pay, we don’t do the couple matchy thing. But we are very happy and he is very sweet. We talk on the phone everyday :)

    He had a 1.5 year stint in UK though. But I suspect his different personality drove him there.

    Interesting thing is that in public Koreans don’t tend to be very affectionate. There’s a proprietary that they have to adhere to. But at home is a different game altogether! ;-)

  15. If you are in a same sex relationship with one, it is different. They are quite neurotic about it and will dump you without a second thought, even after dating two years or more. I’m happy for all the girls here who met nice korean guys, but in same sex situations, they are a train wreck.

  16. I’d love to have a Korean guy, I like all the qualities u mentioned abt them. Wow. Because all I need is a good relationship! But in my country its so hard to find Korean guys.

  17. My country is Sri Lanka. Thanks! Korean culture tradition the way they respect people history family bonds r just like ours! So it’ll be nice!

  18. I’ve been dating my korean boyfriend for almost 100 days (It’s short but we have known eachother for almost two years so I know him quite well), and all your points are on.. point LOL. He’s very caring and affectionate, and is so cheesy (in a good way of course). I noticed that many korean men LOVE to spoil their girlfriends, are very attentive and are quick to say I love you/show their affections. The only thing I don’t really like is the jealousy. He isn’t obsessive or crazy, but I can tell when he gets jealous and it kind of irritates me. I can understand him, since a majority of my close friends are male, but I wish he’d have a little more faith in me LOL. I know that many foreign women are scared of korean parents but not all will disapprove of you! My boyfriends mother is fine with it, although shocked “how can you date a Canadian? She’s so far!”, he said that she supports his decision. Same with his older sister haha. He’s a great guy and he’s visiting me next year before going off to the military for 2 years (2 years of dread and loneliness ㅠㅠ). I might visit Korea while he’s in the military and maybe get to know his family (that’s if I don’t chicken out of course). Do you have any tips for impressung or getting on the good side of the parents/family of the korean boyfriend? or any do’s and dont’s? Haha love your article!

    • I’m so happy that his parents are approving of you! I guess foreign-partnership/marriage is more common nowadays. Jealousy is hard to deal with – do you guys communicate often? (via skype?) I’m writing on tips for meeting Korean parents atm. I’ll publish it soon :D

  19. ” but I rarely see Korean couples continuing to be friends after a break-up.”
    yes i agree with this.. i once had a korean boyfriend, we broke up and he never talked to me, he unfriend me on skype,katalk and other sns. lmao but that was a nice experince thou

  20. Awesome post! Going to check out the rest of your website hehe. I’m Asian but not Korean unfortunately. Do Korean guys tend to go for more “innocent” looking girls or “pretty” ? And from the diet obsession in korea, do they date very thin women or do they look at personality more? Thanks in advance ! :)

    • I’m basing this completely on my personal experience, but to guys, the bottom line is physical attractiveness. And then of course personality and everything contributes. The important thing is though, physical attractiveness is very subjective and changes with trend. Most Korean guys prefer thin/slender girls (size 0-2), doesn’t mean they’ll block out all girls bigger than size 2. It really depends!

  21. How on earth does anyone handle time difference to contact morning & night is exhausting!!!
    Done over a year now, need suggestions. And the possessive thing is really hard for independent American woman!

  22. Hi I really loved this article I am moving to China to teach English but I have to go into Seoul Korea and Japan for a few months at a time. I am very lucky because I do have friends in all parts china, Korea, and japan male and female but I am so in love with Korean men. I don’t know what it is but I do love the tradition side and I like the way they dress a lot! The attention part doesn’t hurt either but I am not the skinny type of girl lol I wish I am very curvy. I want to date a guy but i hear they are super shy and I don’t think where I live in Florida I can find a nice American Korean guy like lee Philip! lol

      • Hi! Yes I have no doubt I will maybe meet some nice Korean guys. I hear they are super shy! Lol in america there are koreans but in washington dc. do you know the difference between American Koreans and real Koreans that might make a good topic for an article…. I heard there are quite a few differences I was curious :)

      • Do korean guys really like smaller girls? I’ve chatted a few and they’re always telling me i am their ideal type even if im small. And also they told me most of korean guys will like me.

    • I am a Korean guy living in Singapore and I’ll tell ya what Koreans in Korea are like. At least 60% of Korean men cheats on their girl friends and 30% have multiple girlfriends. The Korean men are not shy, they just pretend to be shy, you’ll see many of them sucking up to you in order to gain your approval.

      Pretty much the same for Korean women. This is a known fact that most of foreign women in Korea don’t realize. Lucky for you, many Korean men are seeking foreign women because they are sick of ‘high maintenance’ Korean women but they are also trying really hard to get laid with foreign women. Sex is the objective, relationships with false emotions are just procedures.

      Many Korean men target western looking women. They will treat you nicely at first, being a foreigner and all that, but when the relationship gets deeper, they will start to reveal their true colors, once they have sex with you, you are done, and they will move on. Or they are just using you to get your citizenship so that they can get out of Korea.

      Of course not all of them are like that but many are. In clubs, you see half drunk guys grabbing the hands of foreign women and placing them on their dicks. A friend of my told me that when she looking for a book to borrow in a library, a guy approached her and asked if she needed any help. And what he did next was, after finding the book that she was looking for, he tabbed his ID card to borrow the book and written his phone number on the receipt hoping that she would call him. Many of these techniques don’t work on Korean women but works all the time on foreign women. Some even demonstrate childish behavior by fighting among friends who both have interest in a girl.

      I also noticed many foreign women are heavily influenced by Kpop and Kdrama. Let me be clear on this, they are just tools to glorify the image of Korea and the Korean people but reality it’s nothing like what you see in the dramas. Romantic relationship etc. .

      If you are looking for Korean guys to date, my advice as a Korean is,, date a foreign educated or foreign born Koreans, for example; Korean Americans, Korean Canadians etc, instead of Koreans in Korea. Big difference in terms of character.

      Korean Americans are obviously like ordinary Americans, liberal but with a slight bit of cocktail of Korean culture. Many don’t retain their traditional culture because they are living in a multicultural environment..

      Koreans in Korea on the other hand, are not liberal, arrogant, extremely egoistic and have attitude problem. This is true. Many of them really have attitude problem.The character development is based on the traditional culture, hierarchy etc, and are not used to multiculturalism, therefore some may find the presence of foreigners in Korea, a little awkward. But now it’s changing.
      .
      At the end, it’s your choice and everyone is unique in their own ways.. =)
      But I will still advice a caution when you are in Korea. Don’t get yourself into a troubling situation that you might regret big time, if you know what I mean.
      http://www.evanbleker.com/korean-men-cheat-a-lot/
      http://www.koreabang.com/2013/stories/advice-on-dating-korean-men-attracts-anger-support.html
      Here are websites you can read about Korean men in Korea, in your spare time. At least they will help you to get a clearer picture.

      Good luck and best regards..

      • hallo, thanks for the info,

        anyway, can u help me, im so confused about my korean bf. 2 years ago, i dated a korean guy about 6 months (so short), he had an internship here in my country, he was 24y.o (not in korean age). we had a good time, he intro me to his friends. he was jealous sometimes with my foreign friends, when i slept, i caught him check my phone. when we took a rest, sleep tgther aftr finish work (not hvin sex), about few hours later, he has evr “talked in one’s sleep” n woke me up, i woke him up n asked, he said he dreamt about me, in his dream, he’s angry, see me talkin with another guy while he’s waitin me accros the street so long, haha. anyway, he knew im not korean fan, whether KPop or KDrama. yes, of course, he treated me so well, but i always refused him when he wanna brings my bag (im just not cmfrtable), i’ve always made him disappointed, evr made him waitin me about 3 hours in our 1st date, i frgot his b’day date (he took revenge about that n clebrated my b’day 3 days later), i invited him to Japanese Matsuri (he doesnt like it, but still wanna come with me, anyway i like to go to Japanese Matsuri)..but when he went back to Korea for graduation day. we had less communication bcause he was study hard to reach his dream (working in my country, be a manager like his dad). but it made me frustating, well i broke up with him when he was still in Korea, bcause he still didnt know whether he can passed the test or not. he text me rarely, he said he tried to come here, study hard n persuaded his friends to make a program here in my country (he is in the mid class, not come from rich or poor family/not from countryside), thats why he did that. i’ve had a bad days aftr broke up with him n he ignored me sometimes (hate this) n he’s not clear for me about the probability whether he can comes or not. A couple months later, he texted me he’ll come here, did a project to boostin his resume. He tried to intro me to his friends n his boss n had lunch tgther with them. Just a short time. n like usual, aftr went back to Korea, we had less communication like usual, n i decided to frget him.

        After that, i dated ABC who lives in CA. we met in Malaysia (his gradparents lives in Malaysia).. we dated about a year. In my relationship with him, my korean ex contacted me again (after 2 years), he said he worked here already n had a korean gf (she lives in Korea), i said i hve a bf too, he wanna meet me as friend. Then, a couple weeks later, i texted him about meeting thing, suddenly he said he is still into me, misses me, his heart is so far from his gf. but i tried to keep his relationship with his gf, dont want them break up. n ok, he was undrstand but he asked me to be his partner in xmas eve event in his company. then canceled again, wont tell me why. I just dont undrstand, i really dont like his behaviour when he left me a curiousity if asked him some questions. then no cmmnication anymore aftr a couple days ago.

        I broke up with my ABC guy. Unexpectedly, unpredictable, suddenly, my korean ex called me again (after 4months), he called me n wanted to meet me, came to my house, met my parents (it was the 1st time he came to my house n met my parents, in the past, yes he wanted to meet my parents, but i refused it, i was not ready intro him to my parents directly).. ok, he asked a permission from my parents to dinner with me. We talked about our past, resolved all unclear things, include why he left me a curiousity in the past. he said he was so busy, study hard, stilll dunno his goal whther work here or in Korea, aftr got a job here, he became more busy, bcause boss asked him this n that many times n hve no times for textin/callin, in order to respect his boss, specially when his boss gets angry/in a bad mood ( i heard korean boss are like that, my korean friends often complain about that to me, almost evryday), yes, it’s about work rules/etiquette in the workplace. knowing now, he becomes a manager in his workplace here, im so happy n proud of him. only less than 3 years, his dream came true, be a manager like his dad. sometimes i think, mybe thats why he did that to me, he really had no time for textin/callin/katalk, whatever that, bcause he was in study hard, work hard to reach his dreams. he is so career oriented. he works here, mybe forever. he asked me to gettin back tgther on that day (a couple days ago). in the deep of my heart, i still love him. so, i accept him again to be my bf.

        His workplace in another city, not in my city anyway. since that day, we had a good time tgther, just a week. but i dunno why, i feel like, my love is fade away. but still not sure about that. i still love him but my feeling is just not the same anymore like bfore, i think, i’ve changed more mature n independent mybe or my heart is frozen, i dunno. i’d say he has changed also, be more mature, but not romantic like bfore, though still romantic n always take attention to me. he always complains about his busy time at work to me. while i still wonder about him, so hard to trust him, but he said to trust him, he really wanna maintain our relationship n start again, reminding about his position at work. he said i should be more patient n i asked him dont leave me a curiousity anymore. he’ll come to meet me again on august this year, we’ll take a vacation tgther. talk about the future, we’ve ever talked about that when he was intrnship here, talk about buy a house, car, our salary, kids, wedding, our clture, religions (he has no religion). but now, we wanna let it flow, he said, he still has a dream about his career, wanna build his own company here, of course, he’ll be more busy than bfre to reach that dream, we’ll be struggle to pass our relationship. in other words, it’s still not clear for me. i dont wanna wasting my time but i dont wanna be rush about our relationship. he is 26 y.o now (not in korean age), im 24 y.o. im so confused. in the deep of my heart, i still doubt in him. is he serious with me? using me? what do u think about him? hh.. pls anybody can help me? can u help me? i’ll decide to take MBA in States, if i knew, he is a korean guy u said.

      • Being a Korean from Korea, I beg to differ on your opinion that we do all those stuff you mentioned. I think it all boils down to the level of maturity of the individual. Please provide evidence for your statement that 60% of Korean males from Korea do cheat on their girlfriends.

        I do not think my friends and I are “not liberal, arrogant, extremely egoistic and have attitude problem.”

        – Coming from a guy whose girlfriend’s a non-Korean.

      • You sound like little bitter person. What happened did a Korean girl break your heart? You make generalizations without proof. Go away troll.

      • I think not to generalized but many guys from various culture cheat. That being said guys cheat more often than girls do I know a few girls cheat on their bad too

  23. Thank you for the tip and giving me some educated information. I def know that the k pop and movie dramas are in fact false, just like in America images are better on screen then in real life! lol It pretty much sounds like a lot of American guys are just like the Korean men too. I am attracted to the Asian men however cant seem to find many where I live in Florida. Do you know of any meeting websites where u can meet Asian guys? Just curious….

    • Hi Tina! Uhm… websites? I’m not sure, but maybe you can try joining Korean clubs in your university if you’re still a student. If you’re out of school, maybe you can join korean langauge exchange groups on meetup.com?

  24. Its near 300 days that im dating my korean boyfriend! I was curious why does he text me all the day? Or why does he ask me about my clothes?! It was sweet for me before, And now i know so many things about his culture and its sweeter ^_^
    Thank you for your post ~

  25. Great post. I’m dating a Korean guy who came to Canada a few years ago. It was a weird clash of cultures at first – he bought me LOTS of stuff (a very usual thing according to my other Korean friends) which made me a little uncomfortable, and texted me to the point where it was annoying – but after he realized that wasn’t the sort of thing I was used to and calmed down. It’s definitely true Korean guys really are princes to their girlfriends.

  26. I loved this lol. I don’t think I’d be what most Korean men would like. I’m quite vocal, and hate playing the damsel role that Korean men are so fond of. In spite of that, I still love them. I’m thinking of visiting South Korea with a few friends and staying for a month, and I do know that South Koreans don’t think it’s rude to mention someone’s weight and I’ve heard there’s usually nothing malicious behind it. Is that true? I know South Koreans are usually really thin, but do you think being overweight would make some people be mean or not accept me?

  27. Thanks for this. I am currently courting a korean girl here in my city (im in korea) and I feel like I have NEVER in my life worked so hard for a woman. But reading how boyfriends act it gives me incite into what she may be looking for.

  28. HI There,
    Thanks for your insight. I wanted know in your experience, do you think Korean guys would date African-American women? Just asking… :)

    • Hey Intrested,
      I think they would. It’s all a case-by-case scenario. I do think having a language barrier is a realistic/serious obstacle to a stable relationship.

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  30. I have a Korean boyfriend I met online. Well, it was accidental and weird how we met but somehow it worked out wonderfully. He’s coming over to my country to see me but we have been really serious about our relationship. We talk on the phone for hours everyday and thanks to smartphoneapps we literally sleep together (not the sex kinda sleep) he even already talked to his mother about me and his mom told him to `fetch’ me and bring me to Korea already but I am not ready yet although I already promised him I will go to him once I’ve done everything I have to do with my career and family. He had been very understanding about it and I just feel really happy with how our relationship is moving. I think the fact that he already told his mother about me is what made me feel so secure. He did, however, told his mom he met me through a friend lol which I think is just right coz it’s really hard to explain how this online stuff works especially to the `older’ generation lol

  31. I dated a Korean guy for a short time. He was really sweet and in the first day of us dating he told me he was in love with me and was ready for me to move in with him. I have three kids from a previous relationship and he seemed fine with it at first. As time progressed though with drama coming from both baby daddies it was a strain on him and we parted ways. This was the biggest blow to me because I had fallen in love with him. The memories are still there and it is hard to “unlove” someone. Only time can mend a broken heart I suppose. He would bring me breakfast every morning I stayed over at his place to get ready to go to work. He even met my kids and my oldest daughter really likes him. I think the mistake on my end was to get my kids involved. He told me he had talked to his mother and I believe she has a huge influence on his life. He told me is is not ready to be in a relationship where it involves kids. How am I suppose to take that? I am still in the “shock” phase from just breaking up with him today. He told me I should put my kids first and that I am not ready for a relationship. I guess I was just trying to find balance and wanted him in my life. I guess my only crime was loving him too much.

  32. My partner and I stumbled over here different web page and thought I might check things out.
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  33. Looks like korean guys ar good.to be honest i would want a relationship with one since i can handle what they are .i consider that warmth unlike these that i have seen who dont care.i love korean guys.and if am to date one, i wouldnt want old ones,just my age range not above 25years.

  34. first,checking partner privacy things kakao,email like u wrote is not a typical korean guy. just u met weirdo. i dont get why u kept dating that kinda guy even he acted weird seriously. all my friends never do that things and here visitors might believe it. and about this “When you’re meeting his friends, you are a virgin that never smoked, drank, or stayed out pass 9 p.m…” you are talking like 20years ago relationships.i cant deny if u experienced these things and convince people but i hope u meet some normal guys next time and write exact info :P –

    -message from a guy who’s dating a lovely peruvian girl

  35. hello~ interesting article but i have to disagree with some things…
    I’m latina and my bf is Korean, we have dated almost a year and I stayed in Korea 4 months and in two months he will come to Peru
    while living in korea i had some experiences that i can related to…
    1. keep in touch, privacy and jealousy… yeah we text many times in a day, but i think is normal in a couple to tell what we are doing and if we are ok, he’s never checked my phone! even he knows i have male friends, since the beginning of our relationship he’s never showed stalking behavior haha and I’ve told him about my male friends and it didnt start a fight between us.
    2.i think all koreans dress well, not only for dates…and I, as foreigner, I’ve never felt pressure about how I have to dress haha…and we got couple sweaters, that we used some days and its so cute!! :D really fun, we even got discount in food :P
    3. meeting his parents and his friends… i met all in one day, before the meeting all my foreigns friends told me scary stories about it, how to dress, how to talk, how i have to sit, etc …so i was super nervous, and all was for NOTHING! his mom, brother and best friends were all so nice, and i think it’s best to show yourself..dont have to pretend to be an angel innocent girl, so no fake!
    I really think all dating experiences are different… we cant generalized about all korean man, about how they will behave with a foreigner girl
    before i met my bf, i also heard and read all this kind of stories about how korean man are…and for me all was false! i think when u met ur other half …costumes, language and distance can be overcome :)

  36. I’m a black American living in Korea and currently dating a Korean guy, and I think he is kind of unique. Haha, he is into hip-hop stuff so he dresses that way and is obsessed with sunglasses and sneakers. We have only been dating for three and a half months, but for our last anniversary we didn’t really do anything special like give gifts. We played basketball at his university with some random guys (which was really fun) and then ate at our fave chicken restaurant. Thankfully he’s not into couple matching because I am just not one for that, but he is very sweet and kind. Although the keeping tabs thing can get a bit annoying. He texts me from the time he wakes up until either of us goes to sleep (because we live in different cities) He’s in Seoul and I’m close to Gwangju, about 4 hours away, so we only see each other once a month. But he’s a really great guy. For the 100 days though, he wants to get a couple ring. Also, I’m moving to Seoul next year and I’m nervous about meeting his parents. . . .they already know that he is dating a “foreigner” so we’ll see how that goes . . . ..

  37. Hi im a muslim girl and in our faith its really not allowed to have sex before marriage and im not planing to so do they respect you if u say thst to them?also would like to share an experience with you guys, i met this guy online and hes korean and also a manager of a famouse boy band i wont say who but anyway we chated on kaokao talk a few timez and he reard my voice im a good singer so i wanted to be a singer in korea and he told me he would he.help me out but im still.not sure about it since im african what to do? He also said he wants to date me when i go korea next year i’ll be finishing my degree in Law and im planing to pursue my dreams do u have any suggestions on what wise path to take?

    • Hi Rayna,
      I don’t want to sound all jaded, but it’d be foolish to believe everything that a guy you met online said. He can say anything he wants, just to impress you. For instance, he can help you and inflate your hopes with absolutely no sustenance. I’m not saying it’s 100% a lie, but you have to be really cautious.

      So your first question is about sex before marriage – yes there are guys that will respect that, but there are more that won’t. It’s normal/common for young Korean couples to have sex before marriage, so don’t be surprised if he’s surprised.

      As for your path, do what you think is the best. If you want to become a singer, it’s best you audition through an agency. Don’t try to go the back route – you may be pressured to do things you don’t want to.

      I hope it helps!

  38. Hi! I was curious on the topic of dating a Korean guy who lives in Korea while you live in America? He is really sweet and respectful. I was just wondering how his parents would view this relationship as he is older (2 years) and that I’m not Korean. He is getting pretty serious and we don’t have the time to fly half way across the world to meet each other even though I really want to. We make time for each other no matter what though. I wake up pretty early in the morning to speak to him. While he tries his best to stay up as late as he can to speak to me(sometimes we might fall asleep on each other) I want to tell my family also but they are old fashioned they don’t care about race but is a little hesitant because we met online even though he is really who he says he is (skype)Everyone will be pretty upset at me. What should I do?

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