What to Expect when Dating a Korean Guy
It seems like Korean guys are in demand because many of my single girlfriends have been telling me how much they’d like to learn Korean just to date Korean boys. Well well. Quite understandable considering how men are portrayed in all these Korean MVs, dramas, and movies. But really, that’s like saying I want to date a Lawyer after watching Suite.
Unfortunately, boys are boys – even in Korea. They sometimes go MIA, put friends over you, breaks your heart, forget your birthday etc. But I must say that there is some merit to Korean boys’ courting style that is hard to match. So here, I list out some of the common occurrences of dating a Korean guy based on my personal experience and of the experiences of my lovely Korean girlfriends.
Note that there are many Korean guys out there, and there are many exceptions. This is just my personal experience, please read it with a light heart.
Am I qualified to talk about this?
Dating experience: 2 Korean guys: one from Seoul for 2 years and another from Kangwon province living in Seoul for almost 4 years. They both have never lived in another country before.
Consulting experience: Over 2000 hours of 1:1 consultation via phone, text, skype, face-to-face about Korean boy-problems. Hope now I have some creds to tell you what it’s like to date a Korean guy.
So what is it like to have a Korean boyfriend?
On keeping in touch:
In comparison to guys I’ve dated from other culture, Korean guys are great at keeping in touch, constantly. This made it hard for me to adapt to ABC guys that were texting 2,3 messages per day or every two three days because Korean guys will text you every day. Many also call you every day. It’s not that they’re more/less into you; I think it’s a norm. You get freaking spoiled (sometimes annoyed) by how much they will contact you, but this means anxiety triples when they become MIA.
Dressing up:
Do dress up on your dates because these Korean boys will dress up/suit up every time they take you out. It’s not uncommon for a guy to show up wearing a shirt, khaki, a blazer, matching shoes, and perfectly done hair – to a date at an amusement park. They often dress like they’ve popped out of print ads in magazines.
Some extremely self-aware guys would put on bb-cream, color contact lens (this one is more rare), and fake heels inside the shoes. But don’t be too impressed because it’s probably 50% for other people to see, 30% for themselves, and 20% for you. Regardless, it’s good to see guys putting as much effort into looking nice and “dolling” up, but they would expect you to do the same.
Paying:
I hear in Canada, guys stop paying after 2,3 dates, or even on second dates it’s common to go dutch. This isn’t the norm in Korea. Although there seems to be a shift in this dynamic very recently, it’s still very normal for guys to be the one getting tab all the time. Once you get serious, then the paying becomes a bit more even, maybe girls pay 3:7/4:6. Most of the time, they don’t want you to pay.
You can easily get used to this … But there are consequences that follow. For instance, while it’s extremely subtle, they may exert more authority or expect you to show more “child-like” behaviors. It can be patronizing at times.
Being the “Oppa”:
In Korea, age determines how you refer to one another (unlike in Canada where everyone calls each other names). When a guy is older than a girl, the girl refers to this guy as “Oppa.” But it really doesn’t matter how old you are, because if a guy is interested in you, he’ll try to act like an Oppa anyways. I’m sure most of you have heard of this phrase through Psy’s Gangnam Style.
This phrase carries an odd mix of varying sentiments that ranges from being responsible, protective, to having more power, status, and right. One thing that Korean guys seem to enjoy doing is refer to themselves as “Oppa.” For instance, instead of saying “I’ll buy you dinner/I’ll do that for you,” they will say “Oppa will buy you dinner/ Oppa will do that for you.” Seriously, when a guy that I’m not too interested does this, every bit of hair on my body stands up. Good thing that comes with this phenomenon is that Korean guys in general are very responsible and almost trained to take care of girls in all ways possible.
Examples:
– When walking on the sidewalk, they always make sure they are on the outer lane closer to the cars
– They will take off their coat for you in cold weather
– They arrive ten minutes early to dates and don’t mind waiting few minutes (I think some expect girls to be late).
– Anything heavy or difficult to do, they feel responsible to solve/do it for the girl.
– If you call them for help in the middle of the night (even at 2,3 in the morning), most of them will help you
Special Celebrations & Couple “things”: – So one of the oddest/coolest part of Korean dating culture is that couples celebrate gazillion and one things. Let me list a few that I have celebrated:
- 22 day, 1 month, 100th day, 200th day, 300th, 1 year, 2 year, 3 year, Valentine’s day, white day, Christmas, Children’s day, Korean couple’s day (where the couple meets on a bridge made by a flock of birds), Pepero day, Rose day, Kiss day, Thanksgiving, New Years, and of course birthdays
– On these occasions, I’ve learned that girls should expect the guy to prepare some sort of “surprise” – it’s not very surprising once you realize that it’s always going to be a bouquet of roses, a teddy bear, cake, and candles. But still, it’s very sweet that guys will go such lengths to do things for the girls they like.
So much work for guys? But sometimes it’s the guys that are more into stuff like this. I once forgot one of these many celebrations previously-unknown-to-me, and all I can say is that that day didn’t end well. As much as guys go crazy with these celebrations, girls also put equal effort in preparing – often some hand-made stuff for their special other.
Another thing that Korean boyfriends commonly suggest are couple items like couple rings (makes it hard to tell who is married or just dating), couple shoes, couple cellphone cases, couple smartphones, couple data plan (where you have unlimited data between you two), couple diary, couple (fill in your own blank). I know many of my non-Korean friends find this freaky, but I must say small things like same keychains are kind of cute. You get used to it. In general, Korean guys are more “hardworking” when it comes to relationships. But that doesn’t mean its all roses and butterflies; there are also things that are particularly stressful when dating Korean guys.
Couple t-shirts
No privacy:
I guess all this chivalry comes with consequences. Not all, but surely many Korean boyfriends will ask to check your phone, kakaotalk or what-nots. They expect to know your entire schedule in and out and also expects you to update him on your life constantly. This can be a bit frustrating, but girls often expect the same from guys so it’s a mutual thing I suppose.
It’s always really hard to have a girl’s night out if one of the girl is in a relationship. Getting permission almost never worked because they’d be calling constantly and checking up on her. Some are really extreme: for instance, once four of my girl friends were out, and my girlfriend’s bf asked her to take a photo of her outfit to make sure it’s not too scandalous. Seriously?!… SERIOUSLY?
Jealousy:
The tolerance of acceptable interaction with the opposite gender is vastly lower for couples in Korea. Some things that I witnessed Korean couples often fight about: – Texting an opposite gender -Calling an opposite gender – Talking to an opposite gender – Looking at an opposite gender -Thinking about an opposite gender So basically anything that has to do with the opposite gender is a no. Okay, I may be exaggerating a tiny bit, but Korean couples tend to be extremely bonded and with such bond comes such craziness. I guess people are crazy when they’re in love.
Sour Endings:
I think breakups rarely end in good terms among Korean couples. I see tons of Canadian friends being friends with their ex but I rarely see Korean couples continuing to be friends after a break-up. It’s partly because many of my Korean friends think there is no such thing as friendship between a girl and a guy.
Meeting his friends:
Meeting friends of a Korean boyfriend is one of the most stressful parts of the ordeal, imo. So in my experience, they put you on a pedestal and subtlety judge you. Once you break into the group, they will love and protect you forever, but it’s really hard to break into the bubble. The key to this meet is to dress like a news broadcaster (think pastel colored conservative outfit that is flattering but classsy), wear minimal make-up, and be super, super nice. Pretend you’re there to serve them. It doesn’t matter if that’s not the real you, because the real you is not what they want to see. Be comfortable, but also be tense (if that’s even possible). When you’re meeting his friends, you are a virgin that never smoked, drank, or stayed out pass 9 p.m… So dating a Korean guy can be amazing one moment and awfully confusing another.
But like with any culture, being in a relationship requires work from both partners. Also, most problems can be overcome with appropriate communication. It’s just important to learn the “norms” of the dating eco-system your love subject is part of to avoid misunderstandings. I remember an ABC girl rejected a Korean boy because he held the umbrella for her on a rainy day and she found that patronizing.
I hope you enjoyed the article. Follow me on twitter @tinasyhsu
Also, check out GIFs compilation of Top Kdramas from 2015, based on CPI.
Categories: 2013
Dating is Hell in Korea
By Lola Moon
“There will be no men in your life for one year – get used to it.” Those words of my ex-roommate have proven far too true for myself and many other foreign women in Korea. Dating – or the lack of it – takes on very strange dimensions in Korea.
First the relationships that do commence here seem to be characterized by a frantic kind of intensity; everything is speeded up here. One friend of mine explained it in this way. She had been seeing a man of two weeks and told me that it was the “equivalent of two months on the outside.” By that she meant that that heightens all of the emotional baggage we all bring into relationships in Korea. Because we are in a foreign country, especially a country that is not always easy to live in at times, we enter into relationships that with slightly skewed perspective. All the stages of a relationship that normally take several months back home can happen in several weeks here.
Second, there is the realization that most foreign men are only interested in Korean women, and for many teachers that was their whole reason for coming to Korea. That is certainly understandable – Korean women are exotic and beautiful. And while many Korean women are intelligent and mature, there are also many that idolize foreign men simply because they have white skin and are from the same country as Brad Pitt. Many of these creepy white guys seem to have a touch of misogyny in them – probably because every woman in the Western Hemisphere has shot them down. But Korea is the land of opportunity, especially if you can find a Korean woman who doesn’t speak very good English – she’ll think I’m a god!
On more than one occasion I have heard white men completely denigrate everything about this country, and then proceed to try and pick up Korean women. I like to call it the “Heart of Darkness” syndrome. Western men don’t have to watch what they say or do when they come to Korea – they don’t have to pretend that they believe in that feminist rhetorical crap that was shoved down their throats back home. Life is so easy for them here and the most of the women are so much less demanding than they were back home.
So what options does that leave foreign women? If one night stands with the American GIs at Dallas isn’t exactly your coup of tea; there’s always what I consider to be the most attractive option – Korean men. That is, of course, if you can find a Korean man who a) speaks English, b) isn’t afraid of you, or c) isn’t dating you because he thinks you’re Meg Ryan or Sandra Bullock. This task is not as easy as it sounds.
If you happen to find an eligible Korean man, you then have to put up with the negative reactions from not only the Korean community, but from the foreign community as well. The aforementioned white guys may be only interested in Korean women, but that doesn’t mean they want Korean guys dating their women. It’s like a dog with a bone that it’s not chewing – just because it doesn’t want that bone, doesn’t mean it wants another dog to take that bone.
On the Korean side, if the relationship remains casual (confined to adventures in the front seat of his Tico) then the whole thing can be pretty cool. Of course, god help him if the family ever found out. But Korean men can also be deceiving. Many foreign women delude themselves into thinking that Korean men are all innocence and naiveté. But that would be a big mistake – Korean men play their own dating games, we just don’t understand the rules.
But if you can have a few laughs and a good time, nobody gets hurt. Unfortunately, the relationships often go much further than that and it is the foreign woman that ends up with the broken heart. Dating a Korean man is a great way to understand the culture, and to understand that you will never be a part of it. While it is also difficult for foreign men dating Korean women to be accepted into Korean society – it is next to impossible for foreign women to achieve acceptance.
Historically, women are always expected to give up their family when they marry, and sometimes their country. However, men can not and will not do the same – their first priority is their family, especially if they are the only son.
So what is the answer? I wish I knew. My only advice is to be careful, regardless of whom you date. If you thought dating was difficult back home, you’ll soon discover it’s hell in Korea.
I was into your comment, until it became obvious you’re a frustrated guy and a nationalist
Wow, you put a lot of thought into this. I guess I do agree to a degree that it’s very very difficult feor a foreigner to truly become accepted. On a positive note, though, I see this changing a bit. There are more interracial couples living happily in Korea :D ALso , I see your point on dating in Korea for a foreign women.. I know more Korean girls wanting to date foreign guys than korean men wanting to date foreign women, but I think it also has to do with how Korean men think they are perceived by the non-Korean community.
I absolutely loved reading this, cause I’m also a Canadian in Toronto, dating a guy from South Korea and I have to say, I see all the similarities that you’ve mentioned. I’m a teenager in high school and I’m actually really inspired to write my own version of what it’s like dating a Korean guy, being in an interracial relationship. Would you mind if I used your post as a comparison for differences and similarities? Kind of like a your perspective versus my perspective.
Ara- thank you!! You’re more than welcome to use my post as long as it’s linked back somewhere in your post. Good luck with your guy!
Aww, that sounds amazing! How’d you two meet? :)
Can you give me your link of your blog? I wanted to know in high schooler version! Since I graduated from high school too
I just feel like sharing this. :)
My Korean boyfriend and I have been in a relationship for 10 months now and we’ve been living together for 7 months already. I don’t know if it’s just me, but he is sooooo not-Korean, if I am going to define him using the expectations that you’ve laid down here.
On keeping in touch, well, I guess you could say that I am the needy one. I always text him to check on him and I thought it would be a little bit irritating on his part. But no, he likes it whenever we exchange messages to one another. Oh yes, we are living together and we still text each other on Kakaotalk, or on Skype (while working), or through text messages. There were some rough times though. If he gets really busy or has to go drinking with his higher-ups and cant spare time to text me, I get really anxious and crazy and he’d tell me later on to not worry. Of course, when he gets home I get something like a token for not bugging him or for understanding him. :P
When it comes to dressing up, well, we don’t dress up for dates. Even before we started living together, we didn’t actually put on too much effort in keeping up with our appearances. I once bugged him about that and he told me that we could be both good-looking whether we dress up or not. So it doesn’t matter at all whether we come to dates in our best suit or ragged clothes.
On being an oppa, well, he’s really playing the role well. He’s five years older than me and he really feels like it’s his responsibility to take care of me wherever we go. So it’s like whenever we get hungry, he’ll be the one to prepare meals (and in return, I will be the one to wash the dishes). Whenever I go to work, he makes sure I get to work safely by getting me a service car or taxi (and charging to his card). He does everything that he can do for me, and I really appreciate it.
For the celebration thing, well we don’t do that. I once greeted him for our 100 day celebration. He appreciated it but he told me that it would be best if we dont count the dates or years that we’ve been together. It’s best for us to just enjoy the moment and don’t let the years define our relationship. I get him on that, although he still agreed when I told him I’d like to have an anniversary celebration. Well, we’ve agreed that we’ll only be celebrating Christmas, New Year, Valentines Day, My Birthday, and Our Anniversary. ( I silently added, HIS BIRTHDAY.)
I guess you could say he’s a little bit conservative on the side and doesn’t follow whatever’s the norm in Korea. And I love him for that.
waaa thank you for sharing your story. It really helps breaking the somewhat unfair assumptions that all Korean guys are needy and controlling. From your story, I can tell you guys are comfortably in love. I wish you guys many more happy days.
how about girl already married and korean guy knows it too. But he likes to date with her? Is he seriously dating or just for fun?
Im korean man.
The answer is just for fun.
Actually this is exactly how it is in Japan as well. Thank you for putting into words how it is. I feel like a lot of people may be offended/try to fight this but it’s the sad reality.
what about korean guys in umm uhh america are they the same like imprego you then leave you or are they in america polite respectful well dressed but also fun loving and romantic because how can you resist a cute well structured,polite,fun loving korean guy over an ugly hairy white guy
i would like to date one
WTF sis why are you on here? but sister I totally agree though I want a japanese or korean but ladies the problem is you don’t want them from there actual country because they are acting better here in america even though america sucks balls because japan is a strict slightly perverted place (talking about my home country like this forshammed) and there more into jobs yen etc. than romance and the asian boys in america have been raised to still care about the greatest job and money but not so strongly as in japan so they have more time to be raised with romance and fun trust me I have a japanese friend who lives in corona and he is smart upper middle-class and funny sweet and romantic in a way it isn’t bad I thing japan thinks asians that live in america are stupid and uneducated but actually we aren’t because the asian males know when to be smart and when to be funny in class or at a job you are smart and focused and serious so you can learn and go to a good college a university actually UCLA,Redland,USC etc. then get money at anime expo,comic con,disneyland on a date etc. your gooffy funny romantic nice. and I wonder If Japanese in japan men see this that japanese men in america are actually better HOWEVER this doesn’t count for all of the asians in america some are just down right stupid
i do agree with you. are you living abroad? you are japanese, isnt it? well i read your statement n i do totally agree with what you said.
Im here becouse i love japanes or Korean peaple when you compare to South Africa man.Before i have relanship with Japanes hey. I experinced something good.Romance respect the reason separated contract end Toyota .But i love foregner why? respect and love.
i have always wish to have korean boyfriend.As i heard my friend keep telling me how t
heir boyfriend treat them and makes them feel special. But i know i can only keep dreaming about that coz i know it wont ever happen and it makes me sad.
Dreams come true dear
Nice article..kudos to you for writing it with an open heart and not painting a rosy picture….that South korea is a paradise for love and that men there are greek Gods.,and women there are epitomes of perfect beauty(many of whom owe thanks to the numerous plastic surgeries ).
Frankly speaking the immense popularity of all those south korean dramas overseas which portray their men characters as very soft /gentle /kind hearted /of course tall/ handsome and rich ..and women characters as hardworking /affectionate/family caring etc etc etc .have created a huge picture of perfection regarding south korean men and women
.people living abroad who watch these shows and their wonderful characters are mesmerised by the men and women of south korea thinking everyone would be perfect like that there .People need to differentiate between real and reel lives.
in reality they must be ordinary human beings with common human qualities which is a mix of good and bad.They are humans like everyone else living elsewhere .
Have read many good as well as *not so nice* things about the *(plastic) beautiful korean women .
*****.(one example of good is ofcourse their flawless skin and beauty *not so good *quality is that they care too much for money /social status of men and try to dominate once they are in a relationship …and one they are married they listen to their own mothers and create lot of troubles for husband and his parents )
regarding korean men have read *not so* good stories of too much drinking/wife abuse and not participating in upbringing of children and not helping domestic affairs etc., and ofcourse good qualities like polite/ humble/ caring /hardworking family oriented etc.,
Ultimately south korean men and women are just like many other east asians and asians…They want fun and adventure but they dont have the courage to try new things …and the society setup also discourages it …They seek safe options…
as a whole their society encourages relationships and marriage within their own country and most importantly their own race.
reg..foreign men not liking korean men dating foreign girls …well ….many men be it anywhere are always self centred /selfish./jealous etc .They have that male ego hidden always .,that they can try and succeed but not their women This applies to many universal men .
Please note I have mentioned *many* in all places and not generalised anything for a whole lot.
Thanks for your comment! I agree, I feel that media gives people inaccurate picture of what to expect.
That wife abuse thing is most likely the older generation thing (born in 1940’s~1960’s) …although there might be always exception. No one sex or race is 100% bad or perfect. Haven’t we all seen awesome, and also, unsavory, people of all colors/races and both sexes?
where to find a korean guy
Okay, my next post. Thanks for the lead :)
I expect that he kiss me!
I want a korea boyfriend who’s is 16 years old and I am 14 years old! I wang him to be kind and handsome and can sing and dance!
I write wrong on wang its eventually it’s want
Hi im South AFrican how can i get korean guy
Khethiwe I espect respect love and joy .treat me like quen.
Hmm my experience has been different. First of all, I’ve met a TON of my boyfriend’s friends and most of them love me immediately after I prove to them that I can take a joke. A lot of them tell me they are really happy my boyfriend met me and as you said, they love and protect me now that I’m in their circle. My boyfriend and I don’t have many jealousy-related conversations, but the ones we have had were civil and over quickly. I told him I thought Korean guys always pay for the girl, and he told me it’s not always true and that we should both help each other out, so now if one of us buys the meal, the other buys dessert or something. I felt bad for assuming he was just another Korean guy who wanted to look cool by paying for everything. He is a working man, after all, and he is frugal with his money. While it might be a turn off to Korean women, I think it’s really responsible since in America we usually split the bills. Also, I’m usually the one texting him during the day but he definitely calls me multiples times a day – way more than any other guy I’ve dated. And although I usually dress up when I go out, he sometimes meets me in jeans or shorts and I’ve had to tell him to dress up a bit more.
All guys are different and although the dating culture in Korea sets standards for guys to be chivalrous and show off their money or whatever, of course not all guys will fit this type. I do love wearing couple-wear, though and I see a ton of couples in Korea wearing couple tees and holding hands. It’s definitely a fun experience!
Wow I have a Korean boyfriend and he exactly acts like yours lol i always tell him to dress up :) he pays everything though but I get him some nice gifts so we are kind a even ;) he always texting me on kakao talk and he never calls me on the phone is that normal?
Some times there is so annoying though!
I believe texting over phoning is a global trend. Maybe you can call him first : )
Haha yeah he told me he doesn’t like talking on the phone!
I am a fully spanish woman raised in United States. California to be exact. And I have a Korean boyfriend with whom ive been dating for a few months now. And I can agree that korean men do move along fast in relationships. I have always preferred to date asian men, and have had about 3 asian (korean) boyfriends. My first was terrible because he moved way too fast and was saying I love you within a couple weeks. My second was trying to get me pregnant and marry me and boss me around and have me helping him with his son (korean) he was a single korean dad which is rare & obviously that didnt work out And now Im with jesse and he is really sweet and nice and he wants me to meet his friends and its going well but there are still things im learning about. I feel sad because I know its not common for people to accept interracial relationships let alone spanish and asians dating. I try to find advice on this but it seems like I am the only spanish woman attracted to koreans. Anyway I just hope that if things get serious that his family will accept me and my 4 year old daughter. Because he does
Hah you’re not the only one. (Phew!) By Spanish do you mean like Hispanic. Or Spaniard anywho I appreciate your story as I’m just nervous as to get an insight what to expect as it will be my 1st real date and to make it more complicated he’s Korean so I know almost nothing about dating. It just sounds like it will be a disaster T-T However something that really intrigued me is that they move fast?
Hi your not the only one. I’m Hispanic, but I was born in California. Thanks for sharing your story it was helpful. I’m currently dating a Korean. Anyhow I wish you the best of luck. And just remember All things are possible! Never lose your faith!!
Thanks for letting us know your a Cali girl, I am, too. I’m Caucasian that recently met a Korean man so, I really appreciate everyone’s comments, too. I’m very intrigued by this man so, trying to learn what I can since I’ve never dated out of my race. He seems very sweet & attentive so, interested to see where it can lead. I’ll try to keep up on this blog to see what others have to say. Cali girl keep us updated, too.
I absolutely loved reading this, cause I’m also a Canadian in Toronto, dating a guy from South Korea and I have to say, I see all the similarities that you’ve mentioned. I’m a teenager in high school and I’m actually really inspired to write my own version of what it’s like dating a Korean guy, being in an interracial relationship. Would you mind if I used your post as a comparison for differences and similarities? Kind of like a your perspective versus my perspective. This was very well written though.
I might have posted this twice.. By accident xD
Ara – thanks for the great feedback and also letting me know beforehand. You’re welcomed to refer to my post. Happy loving <3
hai im lyra elmido i came from philippines im liveng a message this website cause i want a korean boyfriend i need a handsome,kind,loving and a caring korean guys so im hoping you can help me kamsahamnida :)
Sorry, I’m not a matchmaker :$ but I’m sure there are plenty in the Philippines. I used to live in Makati, and I know the Korean Community there is huge!
I think dating a Korean guy is very similar to Asian guys (Chinese/Vietnamese/Japanese). I think it has to do with our Cultures and how guys were brought up. Of course I won’t generalize occasionally there are bad apples. Most guys were brought up by their mom to respect woman, treat them good. They always pay there was a saying “not having a backbone if ladies pay”. I’ve gone on 1st date and guy is splitting the bill, I hate cheap ppl that dont tip. I have to pay extra tips, to me dont waste my time.
Finding the right guy is probably more important than the race they’re in. Respect, great personality, being caring, hardworking(do well) are good qualities to have.
Completely agree with you! Being respectful and hardworking are on top of my list!
Dating a Korean guy seems a little different from dating a Japanese guy. I have been dating mine for some time and we have been living together for four years and a half. We are about to get married.
It’s so fun reading your experiences. I have to say Japanese guys, the one who studied abroad are different. You don’t need to text every day, celebrate each recurrence..they seem to be more laid back. What I personally appreciate no kissing in public and no holding hands like to announce to the world being a couple.
By the end of the day being a real couple it’s not about all the fancy stuff but about reality of every day. It’s quite different! That’s why reading this hello kitty things candy candy makes me happy.
I am past that phase, we declare our commitment with private life insurances, taking care of health, buying houses, blah blah…-
hi freind my name is star actully my real name is setareh but in english it means star and is my middle name you never say any thing about iranians in fact i am a iranian girl and have24years old i am looking for a korean guy but if every one know a korean guy please show me i want to know your idea about an iranian girl specially the boys please tell me my email address set_86@yahoo.com
Hi, I am Sun and from S Korea. I sent a e-mail :) I think I can help you about your questions.
yhsuns@nate.com
Hi there.
I think I can help you guys about qustions about Korea.
Please Send me E- mail :-)
yhsuns@nate.com
Sorry, I am not good at English.
I missed a word….”for Korea”
So I’ve been on a few dates with this Korean guy. Super nice guy, understands the western culture more than most, great English. We’ve only been on three dates but never with just the two of us (circumstances haven’t allowed for me to not bring at least one person!).
So after a great noraebang date, he asked me if he can buy me a dress… This is just after our third date… as in third time we’ve been face to face except that time we met on the bus… He said I mustn’t worry, it won’t be an expensive one, he just wants to see “how you would look like a model”. I agreed. then he asked for my shoe size because “perfection of style can be finished when clothes and shoes and accessories are in harmony”.
Whilst the dress I can deal with, the full outfit freaks me out! Is this kind of thing normal? I didn’t just inadvertently agree to marry him, did I? :P
I have a Korean bf in Singapore . Is it Korean guy afraid to meet my parent ? But after 6 months he is okay to meet my parent so what is shown to my bf interest ?
I honestly relate to this. He treats me like a kid and he’s annoying most of the time. He tells me its a sign of his love tho. Overall, koreans are the sweetest boyfriends.
I’m living in Korea for almost a year. Reality about korean guys: never date THEM! They tend to have an agressive attitude toward other guys and do a lot of intimidations, that’s the result of their conservative culture pushing them into a competition of everything…
They aren’t same as in the korean tv drama, nice and gentle, NO WAY!! Pure acting! If you wanna have an asian bf, better go with a chinese/taiwanese/hk guy, they are much honest and loyal.
hey indians are good too..mostly …. ;] hi i am from India … well after getting inspired by kpop i was too searching for korean guy ;]
Oh pulleeaaze. No one sex or race is 100% bad or perfect. Haven’t we all seen awesome, and also, unsavory, people of all colors/races/nationalities and both sexes?
g
Hi everyone , am from Nigeria, just want to ask if Its possible for a Korean to date someone from Africa. Am really obsessed with Korean guys.
//realityandtruth what the hell. LOL.
I think dating a Korean guy is a good idea for women. We Koreans quite falsely think white guys (or even Chinese guys) are more affectionate and more chivalrous and Korean women want us to be more like them. So we tend to overcompensate. I am a Korean guy and have dated both Korean and foreign girls, I personally prefer foreign girls. I think they are more independent and make a better life partner. Sometimes I asked myself “am i bringing up a daughter?” when dating Korean girls who expect me to do all the things for her and to pick up the bills all the time.
yes like me i`m independant lady i hate to ask always.
Hi why not choosing me? show me ur self please
In general terms everything you wrote is truly correctly and real. What it is not mentioned in the article tho, is the fact that Korean guys become totally other persons after they stay in long-terms relationships or even when they get married.
I dated a Korean guy and I ended to marry with him exactly because of all the facts that you mentioned in the article. Always careful, polite, lovely, cute, did everything for me (even my bag he was carrying all along). But after we married I had the impression that I married another guy…totally! All the nice hair styles and clothes were changed into wearing a cap, a pair of jeans and a t-shirt. Every time I blamed him that he changed and not only about appearance but also the behavior. Now it is not a problem for him if he sees me carrying groceries on the stairs (because in his opinion women and men have same rights and duties).
I was reading the message of “@amonger” and I smiled while reading it, because, “amonger”, the white guys are not more tender than korean guys, but in my opinion (and I am referring strictly to my case) korean guys are responsible when they start to date and irresponsible after, while white guys, first they are irresponsible but slowly by slowly the become responsible.
That’s an interesting point Angie – so how is your marriage doing?
Thank you for the reply MissT :)
We are struggling to make it better because above all the cultural issues and argues, we still love each other, but I admit that I still find difficult to be married with a person from another country.
It’s so true.
On another website I just read that the youth in korea does not really care about the personality nowadays when they are in a relationship is that true? From what I read it seemed like it’s all about being handsome, pretty or for girls being cute and having money..
Hello. i am a Filipina and met my bf 4 yrs ago on a dating website. He was quick to ask me to be his gf and later wife. We are not married yet. He just calls me his wife. I met him in person and all the questions were answered. His lifestyle of being a business man and the working hours were cleared when I met him in person. Through my experience I have to say he is a gentleman. Very protective and sincere. Very logical and does not shy away from an argument. Will sit me down and say we need to talk about it. So he is a patient man and I am a true princess. Loves to kiss and does hold my hand in public. Many displays of affection. He is not into couple clothing since he always wears a suit. His parents are in the province and introduced me by face chat. His mom loves my big round eyes and lashes. So I guess it is serious when you meet his parents.
As for the girls here looking for a Korean boy friend because of k drama. It’s an illusion. They are romantic and sincere but they are men. So in any nationality they could be good or bad. My experience happened by chance. I went to a Korean dating site. Curiosity also. But my looking for friendship led to a wonderful relationship. Good luck to you all. And yes they do lie on the dating sites so chat away to get to know the real person.
Angelina can you tell me the name of that dating website?
Thank you for this really clarifying post! I learned a lot and I´m going to recommend your blog to my friends :)
I´d be super great if you check out my blog too! It´s about Korea + Turkey/Germany. So it’s more of a European perspective :)
I am a woman from Korea . And I agree with you.
South Korea men do not respect women. Because they grow in a society where take it for granted that a man hit a woman. Korea is a country with serious gender discrimination like the countries of the Middle East.
Thanks for foreigners who respect the Korea Culture . I just hope that they avoid the Korean guy.
김인정 are you serious when you say these things? I mean, really??? I am wondering what is the real purpose of your comment ; to help foreigner girls or to make them false impression about Korean guys?
I mean seriously, I have already more than 2 years since I live in Korea and more exactly in Busan…where you also know that 경상도남자들 are very conservative . But even so, i could not stop being amazed how Korean women treat korean guys. Korean guys look so poor, they pay everywhere, they buy clothes , shoes, bags for their gf’s, they have to remember a lot of day celebration…100 days of relation, 6 months, 1 year. They hold their bags, they are drivers for them. They have to also look cool, nice hair, nice clothes, be tall, be in good body shape…and now …for real??? They are almost like slaves.
So , i don’t agree with you and the image you try to create to Korean men, especially under 35 years old korean guys. They have many flaws of course, they are lazy, they are sometimes not too affective, they drink too much, they work too much, some of them they cheat…but beat and treat women like Middle East…I think you are too far.
I also have many Korean girl friends who are saying they are afraid of foreigners, especially from Ukraine or Belarus, who looks so nice and pretty. They are afraid that many korean guys will search for foreigners and start to not like korean women…
Korean society gives to korean women a lot of rights these days and protect them a lot..Just think about this…how many foreigners women you see on tv and how many foreigner guys you see on tv?
If korean society want to keep the balance of these things, and don’t push korean guys to meet foreigner women i totally understand . But don’t make Korean guys look like brute and monsters…when they do so hard to make their gf happy.
‘Korean society gives to korean women a lot of rights these days and protect them a lot’
You proved to everyone who’s reading this that you actually know nothing about Korea.
Hi Khethiwe again from South Africa .when im in date of korean guy i espect .Respect .,love ,care olso ramance treat like me as quen. thanks
1. She was treated disrespectful.
2. She got hit from a man.
3. She does not know much about “the Middle East”.
4. She is avoiding “the Korean guy”.
I’d say it is actually the other way around. I’ve lived on this soil more than 20 years and saw too many girls hit their boyfriends while the guys are treated like total slaves or personal assistants, by their own “girl friends.”
Hi was true that Koraen lady hits man . can’t beleve its true.
Hello!
I just love your advice & comments… So I was wondering if you guys could give me advice..ok..umm..let’s see:
I have a Korean boyfriend but honestly I haven’t met him at all. It’s been a month already that he confessed he loves me :3
I know that many of you may think it’s weird or horrible thing (like many of my friends & family) but we have an honest bond. I’ve chatted with him on KakaoTalk for almost 3 years it was around the same time after coming to California from Mexico. A friend named Y introduced me to H and well we began talking haha… Anyway :) what I’m trying to get at is can you guys give me advice on how to act as a girlfriend? He’s actually my first Korean boyfriend& my first non-Mexican boyfriend haha. I honestly don’t know how to act haha… he contacts me very little so I always talk first..Should I stop? and he’s also going to the army… And I won’t get to talk to him for 2 years… I’m actually hoping to go to Korea and surprise him when he gets out XD what do you guys recommend as a gift? Trying to get ideas too :3
Interesting article. I don’t know a lot about the Korean culture, but I’d like to learn. Some day, I think it would be nice to even go there. I’ve always been interested in Korean movies and such. I find there style to be pretty cool.
But honestly, what brought me here was, because…, I work with/for(he’s kind of like a boss really) a Korean guy.
He seems nice, but I don’t really talk to him in any way other than from a professional front. I know very little about his personal life. However, I know he’s a father of either one son or two, and he has a wife.
Well…, some of my other work colleagues say that they think he’s a bit mean, but I think his bark is worse than his bite. He’s actually quite nice, and he seems like a hard worker. Maybe that’s why he comes across a little tough at times.
Anyway, lately I feel like he intrigues me. He seems flirtatious towards all the girls I work with and I was wondering if maybe it had something to do with his sense of humor. And if his type of sense of humor/flirtatiousness correlates at all to him being Korean? If that makes sense. Eh, I’m having a hard time explaining what I’m trying to ask. But I’ve noticed that, like for example; in certain Korean movies I’ve watched, there seems to be a certain kind of humor that Koreans seem to have. Or maybe it’s foolish for me to think of such a thing, and really he is just like any other guy who could be flirting, or who is just coming across in a flirty way but is just trying to be friendly? Maybe I’m over-analyzing /reading too much into the man. But lately I just find myself more and more curious by him.
Hello! As a girl in my mid-teens, I am very curious as what it would be like dating a korean boy. I read everything that you had to offer on here, and it has me intrigued. I just dont know where I would meet a korean boy aside from S.Korea. I am anxious to know what it is like, and think it would be a very good experience, aside from wanting to try something new
Hi! You wrote a really interesting and nice article. Kudos! I also have my fair share of experience when it comes to Korean guys. However, I am in a relationship with one. His character nails most of your points but not the couple thing. LOL I haven’t asked about it to him but he gave hints like he’s not young anymore whose into flings or not-so-serious relationships and he likes something cool. I like the idea of couple things but trying it is a matter we could talk about. He’s really considerate about me. I agreed to Angie_Arith too. Guys are guys – Korean guys they have flaws but they do their best to make their love ones happy.
I had a thing with a Korean guy. I just wanted to know if this means things are over for us. He hasn’t messaged me back in 3 days. But before that everything we talked about was still normal and he acted normal for the most part. But jow he won’t reply to anything.
Hii! I have a korean boyfriend. Yeah! Hehe. Hes older than me, I’m 19 and he’s 34. We met on one of dating sites. So after a month of chatting. I decided to meet him, so after annual party in our company I ask him if he can fetch me so that we can also meet. I told him im starting to like him even before we met. So the time that we met, it just turned out that were on. He is my first boyfriend, he is my first kissed and evrything but we still didnt have sexual interaction. Im just wondering cuz we really dont talk much, weve been on for two months now. I dont know if hes serious cuz we always text but nvr had interesting topic. Hes not calling me on my phone. We just talk in text. But when were together i feel that he loves me but when it comes to text i dont feel like he does. We only see once a week. He always ask me where will we go. He cannot decide by his own. I dont know if hes serious or not. Please give me advise.
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My boyfriend is from Seoul and I am from Australia. We are in a long distance relationship now because he’s still in the army and I’m back at uni.
Hi Kate~
I have read with interest your message and your story is very similar with other stories of my friends who are dating (or dated) korean guys/ girls.
There can be many causes of why these barriers are staying between you two.
First, Korean people usually are kind of shy when it comes about phone calls or making suggestion. Also their culture is very different and if he is always asking you where to go, is because in korean culture people do not decide by themselves (is kind of rude) but instead are making questions (in korean is 갈까? 볼까? 이거 어때?).
Another reason, maybe he is married already. There are many guys on his age already married , so it shouldn’t be a surprise kk
Regarding the “interesting topics”, I am sure he has a lot of topics to share with you, but maybe the language can be also another barrier in making him express as he want.
I hope my message will help you somehow…
Dating korean guys is not so easy like in dramas ~
Cheers.
Hi how can i find korean guy i noticed that was respect peaple.thanks